As I walked away from my crying child, my heart slowly fell into pieces. His cries echoed and lingered in my head. The sight of Ezekiel’s tears gushing out and falling down his face rotated while I worked. Thoughts of guilt and sadness ran through me. The internal struggle that I have as a “career mom” continued and my overzealous and eager personality to do EVERYTHING has me thinking..thinking...
I yearned to see Ezekiel.
Time came to pick him up. I couldn’t wait any longer to see his face, his smile, his hands, his cheeks, his thighs, HIM.
I walked into the classroom and there he was playing by himself near the exit sign. I called his name “Ezekiel” –He jumped and ran towards me, while crying he hugged and put his little head on my shoulder. The warmth of his body once again healed me.
We successfully finished and conquered the '1st day'.
My thought today- Motherhood-- Not just motherhood but let’s talk about being a full-time working mother. It’s simple- I’m always tired!!!! No more working till 5 then meeting up with friends going to the mall.. happy hour…… all that has changed now I get off work to pick up my son ..go home.. change his diaper.. start his dinner put him in his play pen so I could change and my day continues …. Don’t get me wrong. I enjoy being a mother taking care of my son changing feeding talking reading bathing him…. I’m just physically tired –exhausted to do anything else – I use to be really good about getting my eye brows done on time and getting my pedicure once every two weeks. But man do your priorities change with a baby. Not only that- there are nights when I have to work as well so after I bath him ...straighten the house ...up put him to sleep…. Do you think I get to sit on my sofa and RELAX noooooooooooooo instead I turn my lap top on wait for it to connect and then my work starts because I’m a working mom. Poor Lionel where is he in this equation you ask… he’s in there somewhere … I’ll save that for another blog –So yesterday…. I get home and it’s a relay race Lionel hands over the baton (Ezekiel) and leaves to the gym. I put my bags down –no time to change… quickly start making dinner for Ezekiel and me..After dinner I let Ezekiel play then I start on the dishes plus the laundry believe me you can do both … after the dishes are done I go to the bathroom start filling up the tub meanwhile I walk over to Ezekiel’s room get his pj’s ready then beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep my washer is finished so I quickly put the clothes in the dryer and run into the bathroom shut the water off –get Ezekiel ...I take his clothes off and start giving him a bath… then after a nice bath I get him dressed put him in his play pen go make his bottle turn his Baby Einstein on so he could watch the video and drink his milk while mom starts folding the clothes…. After I put the clothes away I walk in the living room hoping he would be sleeping but instead..he’s standing in his play pen smiling and is ready to play. So then I pick him up take him to the sofa and start reading to him -his favorite bedtime book “Goodnight Moon”- so I read and explain the pictures to him while he laughs and tries to grab my hand my face ....After the book Ezekiel gets fussy-sleep cue - ready for nighty night!!! I dim the lights then put him down in his crib I can’t leave so I sit down on the floor so he could see me and I sing – itsy bitsy spider (his favorite naptime song & the only song I know) his eyes slowly close and he falls asleep. I walk into the living room to check the time and its 9:45 pm –This is my typical night ---- the exhaustion that drains me dissipates when Ezekiel smiles or crawls and tugs on my pants or yells out ‘maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!’
So the devotional that was sent to me today was
NO TEMPTATION HAS SIZED YOU EXCEPT WHAT IS COMMON
TO MAN. AND GOD IS FAITHFUL; HE WILL ALSO PROVIDE A
WAY OUT SO THAT YOU CAN STAND THE TEST.
( 1 CORINTHIANS 10:13 *NIV )
Speaking of… Lionel and I will be seeing the father today.. wish us luck!! I hope he doesn’t come across 'TOO STRONG'! MY belief/opinion (re: my situation---child before marriage or “knocked up”… all jokes aside....) is different. Ezekiel was truly meant to be!! And by no means was Ezekiel a sin!!! He wasn’t a love child from a one-night stand or a child brought into a destructive relationship-he was a child produced from LOVE- our love that has lasted 12 years and still going strong… –Lionel and I have been through A LOT but we never stopped loving each other…. he (Ezekiel) not only made our love stronger but made us realize how important we are to each other….. I view getting married at a church differently – I view it as the official “commitment” we’re making to GOD that our love will grow and we will CONTINUE to love respect honor trust and simply live for each other and our child/ren. (Lionel me and our child/ren against the world) Marriage to most is an iconic vocab that marks the BEGINNING of a NEW relationship that will provide love respect honor trust ……etc but not to me… it’s just an official PROMISE I’m making to GOD that I will CONTINUE loving respecting honoring Lionel till my last day in this fallen world.
